


it’s okay if there’s no tomorrow

by crystalsnow7



Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Kim Jonghyun-centric, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 17:07:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13551822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystalsnow7/pseuds/crystalsnow7
Summary: Even if there’s no tomorrow, we’ll be alright.





	it’s okay if there’s no tomorrow

Minhyun’s POV

When the company first announced that they’d be going on a survival show, it feels like a bombshell had been dropped on all five of them. The CEO was staring them all down as he gave the news and Minhyun doesn’t catch an ounce of sympathy in those cold eyes. 

Minhyun can’t help but shiver. 

The heavy, brooding silence that descends upon them was eerily familiar - it is the same one as when the company sat them down in this meeting room a few months ago to warn them about paying off the debt. He looks around at his members and his shoulders tense even more. They were all looking disheartened, hell, they looked like their lives were slipping out of their fingertips. There was just no other way to describe the defeated looks in their eyes. Minhyun wanted nothing but to comfort them by saying something because Jonghyun had told him that he was thankful Minhyun always seemed to know the right words to say. 

Minhyun turns to look at Jonghyun’s face again and feels his heart twist. Unlike the other members, his leader is staring at the CEO head-on, posture seemingly defiant, as if he wanted to protect his members from joining the show. But the unmistakable shaking of his pupils gave away what he was truly feeling. Minhyun couldn’t even comprehend how afraid and helpless Jonghyun was feeling because they both knew Jonghyun didn’t have the place to stand up for his team now...not when they couldn’t even bring profit for the company...not when they appeared to be so useless. The silence stretches on and Minhyun can’t think of anything else but reaching out to soothe Jonghyun, who looked like he was going to cut his palms open with the way he was tightly clenching his fist.

Minhyun almost starts off his chair when a staff cleared their throat from behind him.

“Boys...I know this is difficult but what do you say?” comes an uncertain voice. Minhyun would have felt better that she seemed to care for them but the underlying firmness in her voice made him realise they wanted them to go to this show. 

Oh. 

Oh. 

They actually thought this was a good idea.

“Um…” Jonghyun clears his throat shakily. The members’ heads whip up immediately at the sound. Dongho shoots Minhyun a quick look that screamed of his internal conflicts before turning to look at Jonghyun. 

“I-..I’m not sure what the other members think but I think this could work?” Jonghyun speaks, the uncertainty in his voice making Minhyun’s heart hurt. 

Minhyun’s heart thuds painfully against his chest. Okay. So Jonghyun thinks we should take this chance…? Minhyun looks around at all of them and sees his surprise mirrored on everyone’s faces. They never expected their leader to agree so quick. 

Yes, they weren’t in a position to argue but had Jonghyun thought well and hard about this so quickly? 

Yes. Minhyun knows he must have. 

I trust him.

Everyone’s seems to agree too because when Jonghyun finally turns his gaze on them, a gaze filled with so much pain and insecurity, they all found themselves nodding reassuringly back at him. Even Minki who looks like he is on the verge of tears. Minhyun feels himself relax a little. 

At least they were all in this together. 

Or so he thought.

~

“What? What do you mean you can’t come with us?” 

“I mean that I can’t come with you, Minki. What else do you think I mean?”

“Is it because of your leg injury? Because I’m sure it’ll heal soon, then you can continue dancing and -”

“Minki, just drop it.” Jonghyun’s tired voice reaches Minhyun’s ears as he rounds the corner into the living room. 

“What’s going on here?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

Jonghyun, Minki and Aron hyung are standing in the middle of the room in front of the couch, with varying degrees of expressions on their faces. Minki looks like his anger was dwindling down but the fury in his eyes couldn’t be missed. Aron hyung was looking sympathetically at Minki while Jonghyun...

Jonghyun just looked so upset. 

“Aron hyung- he,” Minki takes a pause to calm down. “He can’t come with us to the show because of his leg injury,” he finishes, letting out a long sigh. 

Minhyun feels a thousand emotions running across his mind - shock, disbelief, fear, anger. Anger. He knows what Minki was feeling - this is all just so unfair. And it made him so unbelievably angry. He pursed his lips and schooled his expression carefully, making sure to soften his gaze as he looks at his hyung - because he wasn’t angry at his sweet sweet Aron hyung. He was just frustrated at what his life had become.

“Aron hyung...you’re fine with us going without you? We don’t have to, you know, you’ll just be lonely and it doesn’t feel right,” Minhyun said. 

He felt more than saw Jonghyun’s eyes probing at Aron hyung too, trying to determine what Aron was really feeling. Their hyung was quiet but that didn’t mean they didn’t care about him or what he had to say. 

Aron smiled. “I’ll be fine Minhyun-ie. I know you will all do great, even without me. You’ll still go and do your best, right?” He tilted his head as he enquired, a soft encouraging look on his face.

Minhyun doesn’t know if it was the kind eyes or the look that reminded him so much of his noona, that made him realize that Aron was truly their hyung and that he would look out for all of them. He could feel himself begin to choke up. Jonghyun seemed to have the same sentiment as his eyes rapidly fills up with tears. 

“Aron hyung, we’ll miss you.” Jonghyun says, walking up quickly to Aron and wrapping his thin arms desperately around Aron’s frame.

Aron’s eyes are blown wide but he only contemplates for a fraction of a second before embracing the shaking figure in his arms. 

“Me too, Jonghyun-ah,” he whispers into his dongsaeng’s hair, eyes closed tightly. 

Minhyun and Minki glance at each other before rushing forward simultaneously to engulf them in a four-way hug. It had been exactly three days since the initial announcement of them going to Produce 101 and they knew how on edge each of them have been. And this was a hug that was very much essential. Tired of standing for long, Minhyun gently pulls his members to crash on the couch behind them, giggling when they all let out disgruntled oofs. As they all settle in more comfortable positions, Minhyun finally allows a contented smile to spread across his smile. 

They can do this. He thought.

And when Dongho comes home a little while later to his members cuddling each other on the couch in something that looked like a giant sushi roll, he felt the permanent frown on his face fade away. He prepared himself to join the bundled mass but caught Minhyun’s eyes that seemed to say no, please don’t jump on us. Throwing caution to the wind, Dongho falls atop all of them with a breathy giggle that intensifies into full blown laughter when Jonghyun begins to make choking noises from beneath him and Minki starts slapping at him to get off. Amidst the flailing limbs, Dongho catches Aron hyung’s fond look and smiles softly. Aron hyung nods, a happy glint in his eye. 

Minhyun catches the exchange and a wide smile stretches across his face. He sincerely loved this family. He really did. 

~

Minki’s POV

Minki slides down the wall of the practice room, his butt landing unceremoniously on the floor with a thump. He brings a towel to his face to wipe off the sweat trickling down his forehead and into his eyes. He slowly looks around with exhausted eyes and silently takes in the shoe marks on the floor and the loud music of After School’s Because of You ringing in his ears. He, personally, loved that song, just like everybody did when it first came out, but now, listening to it over and over again as he and his members went through gruelling practices together, he wasn’t so sure if he liked hearing that tune one too many times. Not when with every beat came a dance step he had to remember, a move he had to perfect, an expression he had to wear on his face like a mask...when all he wanted was to break down and cry. He wasn’t the same Minki as the one who heard his sunbaes’ song for the first time. Now, the stakes were higher than ever before and Minki could feel the pressure weighing him down in whatever he does. He swears his shoulders are now in a permanent slump. 

Minki blows his wet fringe away from his eyes and meets his resolute stare back in the mirror that was rapidly fogging up. He looks at the person in the mirror and squints his eyes to take a closer look. Do you know what you’re doing with yourself? He doesn’t know if that kid’s practicing enough, really giving his all, or even giving more than his all because “his all” hadn’t been enough for the past five years. But he does know that this guy, the owner of those almost lifeless doe eyes, was about to go through a life-changing experience. There was no doubt his life was going to change. It was only a question of how little, how much and whether it’ll be enough. Whether anything will ever be enough. 

It was also a question of how well he could take it all.

He’s startled out of his thoughts when someone literally plops down next to him and grabs his hand to slot a bottle of iced water into his damp palms. 

It’s Jonghyun. 

Minki smiled inwardly. He should have known.

“Minki-ah, take a sip, it’s important to stay hydrated,” Jonghyun says with a kind smile that just manages to reach his eyes. But Minki accepts it because he knows Jonghyun always means well. 

Besides, his smile hasn’t reached his eyes since forever. Minki feels his heartstrings tug at the thought. 

Minki smiles appreciatively and drinks the water in one go. He closes his eyes in bliss as he feels the cold water soothe his throat. 

When he opens his eyes, he’s slightly surprised to see Jonghyun still staring at him with that kind gentle look that only Jonghyun seemed to have. He isn’t dumb, he notices the underlying concern in those black irises which is all too familiar to him and characteristic of Jonghyun. He isn’t fragile or helpless but his members have always seemed to have an extra soft spot for him. He’s forever grateful that throughout their ups and downs, his members all love each other very much and can’t help but be worried about one another when they felt like the other was struggling. 

Struggling with anything really. He remembers one night Minhyun couldn’t open the milk carton and he says it was because of his huge hands but they all knew better. The members teased him so much until Jonghyun finally took pity on him and stood to help, opening it easily and handing it to his taller friend with a small laugh. (bless your soul Jonghyun-ah Minhyun had said).

Yeah...what was he saying? Yes, he knows Jonghyun is concerned about him and about them all and it wasn’t for naught. Minki can’t even tell him to stop worrying or that it was no big deal.

Because it was. This stupid survival show was definitely a big deal. He desperately wanted to do well. No amount of denying on Minki’s part to make this process just a little easier on him could change the fact that it was their last shot.

“This is our last shot Minki-ah and I know how troubled you’re feeling right now,” Jonghyun starts speaking, his eyes staring deeply at Minki’s.

“I just wanted to say, don’t worry and that you’re going to do a great job. Just like you always have.” 

Those words are spoken with such sincerity and firmness that Minki feels them resounding in his head for several seconds after Jonghyun’s spoken. It’s almost as if Jonghyun really wanted Minki to believe it, no, needed him to engrave those words in his heart and mind. Minki’s heart swells with gratitude and he feels his lips quirk upwards.

Jonghyun’s always had a way with words didn’t he?

“Thanks Jonghyun-ah.”

He reaches out and intertwines their bony fingers together, laughing silently as he feels the other boy let out a startled gasp and stiffen under his grip. They sit there quietly and stare at their reflections, thoughts running through their heads a mile a minute as they watch the fog cover their faces until they can’t see themselves anymore. 

He feels Jonghyun flinch and the slight tremble of his friend’s fingers as he holds them with his. Minki simply squeezes his hand reassuringly, without any words having to be exchanged. 

Because he too wishes, hopes, prays that at the end of it all, they don’t just fade away. 

~  
Jonghyun’s POV

Jonghyun locks the door of the practice room and turns to his members, plastering an enthusiastic smile on his face saying, “Come on guys, let’s go!”

The other four smile at him and Dongho reaches out to smack his shoulder playfully.

“Yah, Kim Jonghyun! You really don’t get tired do you?” he says, laughing. 

Jonghyun lets himself smile, ignoring the ache in his bones and the soreness of his muscles. They’ve been practicing all day long and it would be an utter lie to say he wasn’t tired, he could literally feel the tiredness in his bones as he put one foot before the other. But he knew it was all just a sign that he was working hard, so he’s perfectly fine with that. Besides, he’s glad Dongho and the others still had smiles to spare. He moves forward to link his arm with Aron hyung and leads his team down the hallway with a slight spring in his step despite feeling like his legs would collapse under the exhaustion at any moment. 

The five of them were just talking casually, putting aside their worries for the time being as they trudged to their dorms. As they turned the corner that passed by the CEO’s office, Jonghyun could literally feel all of his members tense up. The way their voices seemed to fade off to quiet whispers were also a dead giveaway. Jonghyun was determined to bring up their spirits again but the words that filtered through the office doors made his insides turn to ice.

“Seungcheol-ah, I’m glad you’re the leader of Seventeen. They wouldn’t be doing so well if it weren’t for you. I’m really thankful.”

That was the CEO’s voice, sounding so warm and said in such a pleasant tone, very unlike the cold, pure iciness he had directed at his Nu’est members just a few days prior. Jonghyun was numb. He couldn’t move, his feet were rooted to the spot as the words played over his head again and again. They’re doing so well because of Seungcheol...Nu’est isn’t doing well because of me. It’s all my fau-

“Jonghyun.”

I..I should have done something more. I-

“Jonghyun.” The voice became more firm.

But Jonghyun couldn’t budge. A certain coldness had seeped into his veins and it was spreading around his body like wildfire, consuming him from within and he couldn’t breathe, icy tendrils crawling up his throat, a sinking feeling in his stomach and what was happening, why couldn’t he breathe…

“Jonghyun!” 

A harsh voice cut through his senses and his racing thoughts came to a standstill so suddenly that he had to throw his arms out to hold onto something to catch a grip. His hands found refuge in another pair of hands that reached out to steady him. Jonghyun was panting hard, what was that, why couldn’t I-

“Jju-ya...look at me.”

Jonghyun knew that voice. He calmed his racing heart and slowly looked up at Minhyun’s concerned brown orbs. He caught sight of the worried expressions of his other members and cringed inwardly in shame. Jonghyun gets his emotions under control expertly, as he always does, and shifts slightly so that Minhyun would let go of him. Jonghyun would try and say something if he actually could but the last few seconds had just left him confused and disorientated. He manages a smile at the others and continues to stride forward with shaky steps. The only thing that keeps him moving forward is Minhyun’s comforting arm around his waist as they walk side by side all the way back to the dorms. 

Jonghyun goes to bed before everyone else.

He lies beneath the covers and stares blankly at the streetlights outside the window. He starts to wonder if what he heard was just a figment of his imagination because the others didn’t mention a word about the mini incident all the way back or during dinner. Just then, the door to his room creaks open and Jonghyun shuts his eyes, feigning sleep. He assumes it’s just Minki getting ready for bed but he really doesn’t feel like talking at the moment. As the sound of footsteps neared his bed, Jonghyun grows increasingly anxious. But all he feels is a hand pulling the covers up to his chin and gently tucking them around his shoulders. Jonghyun allows himself to relax. 

That night, Jonghyun falls asleep to the light caressing of his hair and the calm presence lingering by his bedside. 

~

Aron’s POV

Aron watches his dongsaeng’s eyes flutter closed with a doleful smile on his face. Laying there, with the moonlight filtering through the window shining on his face, Jonghyun looked so young and peaceful that it made Aron’s heart fill with regret. To think him and the other kids were going to go on a survival show and no doubt, work tirelessly, face cameras left and right and worst of all, degrade themselves to trainees...Aron doesn’t know what they did to deserve this. He doesn’t know what he did to be left behind for the next few months, uncertain of their future. He doesn’t know what to do because on the path he’s walking on right now, there’s simply nothingness ahead. Stroking Jonghyun’s hair one last time, Aron quietly rises from his position on the floor and makes his way across the room. 

“Aron hyung, what are you doing?”

Aron raises his eyes and sees Minki. He’s a little embarrassed to admit he came in to check on and tuck in Jonghyun so he simply says,

“Shh...Jonghyun’s already asleep. Be quiet as you prepare for bed.”

With that, he pats Minki softly on the back and leaves, whispering a soft, “Goodnight.”

Aron sighs as he switches off the lights in the living room. Just as he turns his back to make his way to his bedroom himself, he pauses and turns around again. He drinks in the sight of the dark, quiet living room, with the kids’ belongings strewn everywhere. Under normal circumstances, Minhyun wouldn’t have even let this happen but he presumes the past few days did nothing to help him muster the energy to clean every nook and cranny of the dorm as he usually did. He stares and stares and- 

He blinks. Everything’s starting to disappear right in front of his eyes. 

His heart skips a beat. He swear he just saw-

Jonghyun’s cap on the carpet,,

Minhyun’s poetry book on the coffee table,

Minki’s favourite scarf laid across the sofa,

Dongho’s half-eaten packet of gummy bears on-

Stop thinking like that.

Aron blinks, trying to force the cloud covering his vision to clear.

They’re coming back.

And he’ll be right here, waiting for them, to make sure they’ll always have a home to come back to. 

~

Dongho’s POV

It’s time to leave the dorms to the Produce 101 filming locations and to be extremely honest, Dongho’s feeling a little sick to his stomach. He glances up at the name of his company and feels a wave of nostalgia take over him. He remembers when he first joined, a young,bold and spirited teenager waiting to take the world by storm. It’ll be simple, right? Keep training, work your hardest to get selected for debut and after that happens, just walk on the paved path, the supposed road to success he’s been slaving for. He wasn’t sure if success was supposed to feel so bitter. He doesn’t hate the times that have passed, he cherishes them, he’s thankful for whatever support they’ve gained, he knows he should be and he is...but he can’t stop himself from wanting more. 

“Dongho-ah, get in.”

He turns around to see Minhyun beckoning him to get into the van. He puffs his cheeks and lets out a breath, steeling himself for the tough times he knows they’ll have to face alone. He has to physically prevent himself from running his hand through his styled hair. He remembers vividly the passive looks on the faces of the stylists as they did their makeup that morning, it was as if they didn’t want to be there. He personally feels they were only primping them because they couldn’t just let 6 year old idols go on national TV without some form of professional styling. They were told to dress themselves up anyway. It pissed him off that they were already being treated as a disappointment. 

Well….Thank god for Aron hyung’s taste in fashion. They already said their farewells to him but Dongho can’t help the sharp pang in his heart at the thought of his name.

“Minki-ah, hurry!” Jonghyun’s frantic voice sounds behind him. 

Minki exits the building in a rush, his coat slung over one arm, face a picture of hopelessness. Dongho watches as Jonghyun rushes up to him and holds the coat up for Minki to slide his arms into the sleeves. Minki mumbles a thanks while Jonghyun’s hands flitter around, trying to straighten his suit. Jonghyun’s always been the most reliable when it came to Minki. 

He lags behind so that they can catch up to him before walking towards where Minhyun was holding the door open for them. They let Minki clamber onto the vehicle first, and he places a hand on the small of Jonghyun’s back to guide him in. Dongho’s next and he’s genuinely surprised that the company actually hired them a driver this time, and he can tell that Minki was too, if his widened pupils was anything to go by. After months of chaperoning themselves around during their promotions in Japan, he didn’t know how high his expectations could be, heck, he didn’t know if he was even allowed to harbour any expectations anymore.

“I didn’t think they cared enough,” Minki whispers from the backseat. 

Minhyun gives a wan smile as he boards the van and slides the door closed. Jonghyun’s awfully quiet, staring out of the window in deep thought. Nobody actually responds to Minki but Dongho can’t help the rancorous thought from crossing his mind.

Anything to keep up appearances, I guess.

“We’re ready,” Minhyun says, speaking to the driver. The driver nods, taking a hold of the steering wheel and lowering the cap down his face. 

Okay, honestly, why is he wearing a cap, how is he even going to see the road, this driver seriously-

“Okay kids, let’s go!”

Minki bolts upright.

I’ve heard this voice before...

“Aron hyung?!” He whispers, shocked.

Dongho watches with his mouth agape as his hyung turns around and grins at them, showing off his pearly whites.

“Yes! It’s me, good job Minki-ah! Now, are we really ready to go?”

“Yes hyung!” 

“Definitely!” Minki chirps

“Aish, this hyung...yes!” He hears himself mumbling.

Minhyun laughs heartily next to him. 

Everyone looks at Jonghyun who still seemed a little conflicted. Admittedly, Dongho was confused as to how the company allowed this too. Aron hyung turns his gaze meaningfully to Jonghyun. 

“And you, Jonghyun-ie?”

Dongho sees all traces of puzzlement leave Jonghyun’s face in a flash. 

“Of course, hyung.” He resumes his position against the window with an easy smile. It’s the first genuine smile Dongho has seen on his face in ages. 

“Because you’re coming with us.”

Aron’s smile softens at that and he swiftly turns around and starts driving. Dongho’s nerves were on ege but there’s a content feeling spreading across his chest presently and he believes he’ll be better off focusing on that instead. As the van leaves the street of the company building, Dongho doesn’t look back. He knows he can’t afford to. He’s simply going to have to give it his best shot at whatever that comes his way. Maybe he should take it a day at a time. Because even if there’s no tomorrow, at least they’ll be alright for today.


End file.
